Alebaster Sands wrote:1. Passage of time. - I enjoyed the way you flashed back and forth, but I found it hard to keep track of how long it was between killing the trucker, and Runs with Stick "present day" mission.
More time than it should be, I will be moving the "present" day time frame back to the early '90s.
2. Runs with Stick's regular missions - you said it was "running supplies" but it felt like I never really new what they were doing.
Everyone is running drugs across the borders. The Cunni across the northern border and the Coyano across the southern border.
3. How did Run's with Stick's Father survive? - For the entire story it felt like her father's disappearance was a definate. Perhaps more detail in the "deal" that releases her father is in order?
He was found injured in the wilderness and suffering from amnesia. Silver Two Trees recognized him while "gathering information" for the Unionists.
Those are the the things that jumped out at me. All and all I enjoyed it. The characters had depth, and I felt for their situation. And you gave them such a sense of faith and belief in their customs that really helped to round out their characters.
I will be doing more character development for both Sam (bear) the local police and for Missy (sheep) the school teacher. The Runs With Stick saga is NOT over yet. There's more things to be added to the original "Blue" story, and I have the outline of the sequel mapped out for "Blue II"
And before I forget, I'd like to add a very big THANK YOU to Mulefoot for his help in keeping me "honest" with regards to the Slop Universe details. And for encouraging me to write this story.
Uncle.
Emoticons are the wheelchair ramps for the humor impaired.